The Brisbane Chronicles: Shark Biscuit and Other Tales of the Bizarre

On Saturday (12/8), I hopped on a train and headed down to the Gold Coast.

I've heard a lot of talk about the Gold Coast, and with it so close, I figured I should head down and see what all the fuss was about.

Plus, my compadre in crime, Jack, threatened me with physical violence if I didn't go surfing while I was in Australia.

"Dustin, I will NEVER be able to go surfing in Australia, so if you don't go while you are there, I will inflict a thousand years of pain on you."

Alllllllllrighty then. A-surfin' I will go.

I made reservations through the International House and was all ready to go. A quick stop off in Harbour Town to pick up a rash vest and visit my friend Ashley's mom, and then it was on the bus to...

SURFER'S PARADISE!!!!!!

Let's just say that the name fits.

A gorgeous beach, gorgeous sun tanners, and too damn many surfers in a small area. It was nice, but I wish we could have spread out a bit more and not had to deal with all the bloody galahs (see: idiots) who couldn't figure out where the swimming area was.

I stood up on my board for about one thousandth of a second before the board went one way and I the other, but all in all, it was a fun experience.

By the way, the words "Shark Biscuit" in the title refer to people like me. It's Aussie slang for new surfers.

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I always thought Japan had the market cornered on all things bizarre, but today I found myself proven wrong. It's pretty bizarre Down Under as well.

I was shopping for some souvenirs at an Australian Souvenir shop in the Queen Street Mall today, when I heard a familiar song come over the radio.

Bam-bada-bada, bam-bada-bada, bam-bada-bada, badabadabadabada...

(Trust me, it'll make sense in a minute.)

A bit of a country-fried intro, if I do say so myself...

Then the lyrics kicked in.

Big wheels keep on turning,
carry me home to see my kin
singing songs about the southland.
I miss ole bamy once again and I think it's a sin.
Well, I heard Mister Young sing about her.
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down.
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
a southern man don't need him around anyhow.

Hold on...

Lynrd?

Sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue.
Sweet home Alabama, Lord, I'm coming home to you.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, in an Australian souvenir store in Brisbane, they were playing Lynrd Skynrd's "Sweet Home Alabama".

Welcome to the Big Leagues, Australia.

Japan, you've got competition.