The Health Check

Back in September (official date: September 27, 2005), all of the teachers and staff of Starfish High had a mandatory health check. Generally, I am not opposed to this. In fact, I think it's a downright decent idea. The fact that Japan has social health care that covers about 70% of all medical fees makes it that much sweeter. We didn't even have to pay for our health check at all! This is generally a good thing.

HOWEVER, I already had a health check back in May as part of the requirements of being employed at SH. I should have been good for the year, right? Wrong. "No, Dustin, you have to get one again." Then I would like my money back for the one I had back in May, thank you very much.

Here's the really annoying part: anybody who has something wrong on this check-up has to go in for another, more specific check-up on their own time and money. I'm sure you can guess why I sound a little more than annoyed right now.

THAT'S RIGHT! Judy Kidd's only boy got a bad mark on his health report card!

Too much cholesterol in my bloodstream, apparently.

Aaahh, this may indeed be so. But, pray tell, what is the standard that you are judging me on?

What's that? The average blood-cholesterol level for a 28-year old JAPANESE PERSON!

Umm, pardon me for being so forward, but last I checked, MY FREAKING PASSPORT SAYS THAT I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN THE GOOD OL' U-S-OF-A!

I'm not trying to say that I'm Commander Healthy or anything, but judging an American on Japanese health standards seems a bit unfair, what with the fact that our body makeups are pretty flippin' different.

Here's the best part: in the comments section of the report where they give an overall health assessment, the first line says, "Admit that you're fat."

Gee, thanks. Why don't you say I'm ugly and I smell funny too? Better yet, make some disparaging comments about my mother while you're at it.

I have been making a pretty big effort to be healthier since I moved up here.

1) I've cut WAY back on my alcohol intake.
2) I've started going to a gym/pool twice a week.
3) I've cut back on convenience store food.
4) I make a lot more of my own meals.
5) I watch what I eat. Non-fat milk, bran flake cereal, low-salt soy sauce and miso, whole wheat bread, more vegetables (in my sammiches).

FOR GOODNESS SAKE, MAN! I'M TRYING HERE! THROW ME A FREAKING BONE!

Okay, I'm done now. I've vented.