What in the Crap? (Rated PG)

Man, I thought I had seen it all.

I thought I had all the answers.

I thought Japan had nothing left to throw at me.

I thought, "Six years? Oh yeah, I know what's going down."

This attitude is what the ancient Greeks called hubris. This overarching pride that encompasses everything and ends up leading to a bad end. You know what they say about pride...comes before a fall and all that.

I fell, and fell hard, today.

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At the end of second period, I was heading back to the office, when right near the stairs, I saw it.

At first, I was confused. What was I seeing here? Mud. No, not mud. It looks like...

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

Is that? But, that's not possible. It can't be. It's...

...a turd.

That's right. Step right up, step right up. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. Come and see...the turd.

I looked around. Did it get tracked in? (It was, shall we say, smooshed.)

But there's no shoe tracks.

And this is the second floor.

That's an awful lot of brown for it to have been tracked in all the way to the second floor.

Another teacher comes over and we look at each other for a minute. "Is that...?"

"Yeah, I think it is."

"How did it...?"

"I have no idea."

So he asks a student to get some toilet paper out of the girls' bathroom. Then he starts to clean it up.

The coughs and gags and "Good GOD that stinks!" that came from him expelled all my doubts.

So, to sum up, there was a turd that magically wound up on the second floor of my high school. I don't even want to consider some of the possible repercussions of that statement.

Good old Japan. Everytime I think I've finally figured you out, you reach out and smack me upside the head and put me in my place.