Saturday, November 12, 2005


I feel like Mel Gibson near the end of "Braveheart".

No, I don't feel like the British have me tied up and are publicly ripping out my intestines with a sharp instrument in front of the peasant masses.

I feel like yelling, "FRRREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!" at the top of my lungs.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am a free man.

(And no, that's not a desperate plea for a girlfriend...hmmm...although...I might have something ther...huh? Oh, um, never mind.)

I am off of the pills.

I went to the doc on Monday to get my system checked out, because some strange stuff happened over the previous weekend. He gave me a bunch of pills ("These are to calm your stomach, these are some pain killers, and these are your antibiotics.") and put me on a diet of gruel. As of lunchtime today, I finished off all of my pills and all of my gruel.

No more taking five pills with every meal.

No more sloppy rice porridge gruel.

At last.


(looks around nervously)

(sees that coast is clear, sighs with relief)


For a second there, I was worried that the British would come kick down my door and publicly execute me. Hey, ya never know.

I have a good buddy back in Izumo who goes by the code name of The Don. As in mess with him and you'll be sleepin' wit' da fishes in Hiikawa River. Which, as far as rivers go, isn't all that deep, so if you can break your cement galoshes, you might just survive. He's a sporting The Don. But The Don has no love lost for Senor Gibson. "It just seems like every movie he makes bashes on the British."

Well, let's see...we've got "Braveheart." Check.
"The Patriot." Check.
"Gallipoli." Check.
"Pocahontas." Check.
"Conspiracy Theory." Hmmm. Patrick Stewart plays the bad guy. Patrick Stewart is British, so...check.
"Hamlet." Written by a Brit. Check.
"Lethal Weapon 4." Hmmm. Well, the British did control a large part of China for a long time, so...check.
"Lethal Weapon 2." Hmmm. Replace "South African diplomats" with "the British", and...check.
"The Passion." Replace "The Jews" with "The British", and...check.
"Signs." Replace "aliens" with "the British", and...check.

Wow. Mel really has it in for the British. I can see where The Don would feel a little threatened.


Well, I'm off to celebrate my newfound freedom. No steak, unfortunately, but I am going to brave the cold gusts outside and walk on down to Ippukutei, a local bar that serves up some good yakitori (grilled chicken, and only in Muroran, pork, on skewers). Oh yeah, they also have beer.



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